i hope you do read this.and i hope you know how close you came to getting a dose oh brother of mine. i didnt make anyone do anything.but tell youself i did to sleep better. maybe if you opened your eyes and saw the forest for the trees you would see that.but the ignorant always blame the most obvious. you may be like 364 days a year.i am a *birthday*. and despite your efforts, your efforts to buy, i still win. and while you say 'i am stopping myself from doing something stupid' well what was stopping you? needing that *backup* was laughable my friend.....havnt they dropped enough yet for you to grow some guts and face me on your own?
do something stupid.or just seethe and stew in your loss.
i dare you.
because i will not 'leave the pub' or 'walk the other way' and i have no limits.what have i got to lose?failing health?a tattered rag of a mind? nothing. there is nothing you can hurt me with.

i'll stab you in the face because i have the courage to. and i have the courage to do that rather than stab you in the back.

i will always go one further. and looking you in the eye not 2 hours ago was no fear atall. believe me i had much worse ready for you than you did me.
you cannot hurt me more than i have hurt myself.

i may be 'some piece scum' my dearest friend. but i am real and i am me.and you are not .you talk big you buy yourself 'friends' but you dont walk tall.
i abuse and hurt the people that love me.and they keep coming back.so what does that tell you about me?

from day 0 you have threatened and hated me.and i have never ever backed down.why dont you actually do something?
i am not afraid of you in any way ,shape or form and today i proved that.i could see you tremble on that cigarette. you had so many clear shots.why didnt you take one? get some satisfaction? you didn't because you know that while you may land a punch on me, you are dealing with much more than that and i will destroy myself just to hurt you.

beacuse you are weak and you are mundane and you are a vaccuum.
i have died once before.so you have utterly nothing on earth to threaten me with.I walk in the Shadow.and i may fill myself with poisen. but i dont apologise for it. and i will admit to my wrongs. but while i cant actually sink any lower,and i admit i am a junkie and a liar and a fiend and a horrible human being,but i will say one thing with utter and complete conviction....

I will teach you about loss.

so back the fuck up and take time to assess your life. dont make me a scapegoat for your shortcomings.

Drowning in misery doesnt feel that good.And i cannot swim.So I will grab onto something and take it down with me.

I am a Patriot.A Patriot of my country. and my country is me.and through the hospitals and the death and the pain and the misery and the shit and the hate, i have a LIBERTY I will not apologise for.

with love

G
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